When Roy married Sally, he got Helena and Alfie as in-laws. Then he saw Dia through her bedroom window. Meanwhile, Sally got her dream job, and a shot at Greg, but Iris got there first. And after Helena and Alfie were divorced, he got Charmaine, a well-done dame and she got Cristal, a rare medium.
Lots of stars are aligned in "You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger," Woody Allen's annual cinematic look at the follies and foibles of human beings being human. Allen's approach is almost like a Shakespearean comedy–get lots of people together, add hormones, subtract common sense, shake well and dump them on the streets of London.
And as is Allen's wont, every London street is like Carnaby Street in its heyday, bustling with rare "birds" in elegant plumage.
The writer-director has made a movie practically every year since "What's New, Pussycat?" in 1965. A quick count shows at least one Allen-written and/or -directed film in 43 of 46 years since then. And "Midnight in Paris" is in post-production, waiting for release next year.
Allen has made better films in his lengthy career, but he's made worse ones, too. "Stranger" has a good cast, some funny situations, mostly charming acting in this comedy of
manners and morals, introduced by Zak Orth as a narrator who sounds a lot like Allen. Josh Brolin plays the Allen character; he's a medical-school graduate who decided he wanted to be a writer just as he clutched his diploma. His first novel was a big success, but he hasn't published since. However, he has finished a book and has sent it to his publisher, and is waiting impatiently for a reply. His wife (Naomi Watts) has a degree in art history and is working as a "personal assistant" to Greg (Antonio Banderas), a handsome gallery owner; her job entails answering the phone, making lunch reservations, scouting for artists and helping him pick out earrings for his wife while lusting to keep them for herself
Her wealthy parents, Helena (the delightfully dotty Gemma Jones) and Alfie (a strangely out-of-place but often very funny Anthony Hopkins) are divorced. Helena takes advice from a medium, Cristal (a marvelous Pauline Collins), drinks and visits her daughter often. Hopkins thinks he's 30, takes pills and keeps the tall, lusty, well-practiced Charmaine (Lucy Punch) in furs and jewels. Watching him straining to keep up with her is a delight, especially when he sits at the side of the bed, half-dressed, looking at his watch to keep track of when the Viagra will kick in.
By the way, my guess is that using the name Alfie for Hopkins is Allen tossing an inside joke to movie buffs who remember "Alfie," the 1966 classic that made Michael Caine a star; it certainly feels like it.
Back to Roy (this movie cuts back and forth a lot, so the review can, too): Looking out his bedroom window, he sees a young woman in her bedroom across the street. That's Dia, played sexily by the luscious Freida Pinto, who soon realizes that Roy is watching and starts raising and lowering the window shade at appropriate times. Soon they're having long walks in the park which turns into shorter walks from her apartment door to the bedroom. Dia is of Indian descent, is engaged to a young Englishman and is part of a wonderful scene when the two families get together and Dia announces the engagement is off.
Helena triumphs in the end, so maybe Cristal's crystal is the proper way to go.
There are soft spots in Allen's new film, but in these Indian summer days, it's excellent entertainment and a good example of his wry view of the human condition.
You Will Meet a Tall, Dark Stranger opens today at the Plaza Frontenac.
—Joe