We don’t have illegitimate sons or weeping daughters, only a few witches and not a line that is memorable or poetic, but we have broadswords, spears, lots of hand held devices that make effective killing machines, but were later replaced by telephones and game boys. With almost all the globe already at some sort of war, we drop back to 140 A.D. and pit the Romans against the Scots.
And while it’s a good time of the year to see real eagles along the Mississippi River, “The Eagle” is a dumb movie and the eagle is a symbol of a Roman legion that went north of Hadrian’s Wall in 120 and vanished, every man Julius or Mark or Casca or Brutus. This is all based on a novel by Rosemary Sutcliffe, with a screenplay by Jeremy Brock and direction from Kevin Macdonald, none of whom deserve the benefit of anonymity.
Well, 20 years later, here comes Marcus Aquila, commanding a legion of his own in an effort to find out why his father disappeared. And Channing Tatum, as Marcus, is too young to really be a great swashbuckler, but he tries hard, and in all fairness, he does swash a little. He also captures Esca (Jamie Bell) and turns him from an English slave into a Roman one.
And the two of them head into Scotland, not stopping to sample the whisky or the haggis, bypassing Loch Ness but leaving a calling card for the Monster. The hiding in the jungle is in the standard movie tradition, and the fighting includes lots of weaponry and lots of blood.
But you’ll never guess what happens next, and no one says, “The Eagle as landed,” or, “Rome, we’ve got a problem.” The English might describe it as “bloody awful,” or we can say “awful and bloody,” which it is.
The Eagle opens today at many theaters.
—Joe